Craftaholic

Yesterday after work I took a sudden detour to Hobby Lobby. I have a wreath I am working on that I wanted to get black spray paint for. My boyfriend had tried calling me several times, but I didn't hear my phone. I was too engrossed in looking at everything, dreaming and scheming my next projects, disciplining myself that no I cannot buy that now, I am here for the spray paint and card stock only for the necklaces I am about to make. I believe I am a craftaholic lately. I can't stop creating things, and it feels good. It feels good that he could not reach me because I was lost in the craft store, and not like in the past when I would occasionally take the impromptu trip to the bar with a friend after work and disappear for hours. I felt bad, but I imagine he is relieved now too. The necklace supplies are on their way in the mail. These are something I have thought of making and selling on etsy for so long, now I am doing it! But in baby steps and with the intention that this is just a hobby for now, so that I enjoy the process, and whatever result it may bring. So I can say, I am doing this with my life, instead of the old monotonous answer, oh I've just been working. When I work on my crafts, I find that I am forgetting it is a weeknight. It makes me have something to look forward to, and the possibilities are endless. I feel like I am home now. I always used to have a mantra no matter where I lived that "I just want to go home" but the homes at that time were not Home. This is home, and the result is I can relax now and start focusing on what I want in life and go about creating that. I am settled in the important areas in my life~and so there is less drama and problems to take up my energy. It's safe now, I have a space now inside and out to do this. I am keeping myself awake at night with ideas, and it's wonderful. Can't wait to see what I will think up and make next. ~Jenny

October Goals

I haven't been very happy lately. It occurred to me that I have not been setting tangible goals for myself. So I plan on setting goals here every month, cause if I just write them on a piece of paper, it will get lost, and I will be kind of what ever about it. I can also log my progress, and maybe inspire some goal setting for you in your life. October Goals 1. To cut down to half a pack of cigarettes a day. 2. Eat more fruits and vegetables, and regular meals at regular times. 3. Go for three walks a week. I think this is a good start. Maybe three goals a month is good, that's manageable. What will your goals for this month be? I think its good to have something to work towards and get a feeling of accomplishment about, rather than just simply existing.

Lessons Learned

If you want to do or be something in life, you don’t need to become it.
It’s ok to remain who you intrinsically are and to incorporate
the different facets of your dreams and wants into your self.
Foundation is important, experiencing things is just that,
experiencing them, not putting pressure on yourself to become them.

Everything is temporary. We do not need to obsessively plan
or brew on things. Take one thing at a time and tackle it
and be done with it. Even dreams are temporary, we want
we dream, we strive, we achieve, we experience and decide
if this is something we want to embrace for the
long term or the short term. The important thing is
being able to tell yourself in hindsight, I did that, I experienced
that in this lifetime, let me tell you a story or two about
adventure.

If you are a dreamer, a creator, a creature of wonder,
there will always be what’s next. Some divine inspiration,
some yearning in your heart and soul. There will
be a new sea to sail, a new mountain to climb,
a new sensation, a new feeling. Life is the instrument
our soul breaths through, expresses and creates through.

If people didn’t do things because they were nervous
and afraid, nothing would be done on this earth.
We would all be a bunch of afraid, whiny,
boring people, waiting for life to run out.
It’s good to inch out of your comfort zone,
it builds confidence, it brings new experiences,
adventures! And the nervousness is temporary,
it will not last forever, only a moment
in the scope of our lives.

I’m learning to live within my means,
If I am shy I am shy. If my head shakes
when I first walk into a room of people,
my head shakes, if I’m quiet, I’m quiet,
if I don’t think a joke is funny, no more
fake smiles for me. I don’t play the game
anymore. I’m not a circus monkey. I come off
so retarded and embarrassed, when I am NOT
being me. I feel much more at peace when
I accept myself as who I am and act accordingly
Being genuine is a valuable thing.
Where would the world be if
everyone was pretending to be someone
they are not. We need all of us to be the way
we are. I’m not sure why this is, I just know
that it is important.

~Jenny

Rise

Did you know...that Herb Alpert is shy? That he is also a painter and a sculptor? I've heard of Herb before, I even remember seeing his 'Whipped Cream' album in my parents music collection, but I never really gave his music a second thought. Now, I dig it. And I dig that he's shy, and I dig that he has the same birthday as me.

From a 1995 Interview in The New York Times:
"Asked about his shyness, Mr. Alpert answers in a soft, uninflected voice: "I never know what to say. Small talk makes me uncomfortable. It's not a need of mine to be stroked and doing an interview -- this is very hard for me -- means talking about the past, which is not of interest."

From another interview:
"Alpert is all about art, all the time. Yet as he goes about his business, he betrays no sense of pressure or anxiety. “For me,” he says upon emerging from the studio, “the important thing is not to think or analyze but to accept my own creativity. I’m looking for things that resonate more in the soul than in the eyes."

I am one of the lucky ones
asking the questions
seeking the answers
feeling grateful
I have been spared
when I ask why?
I feel it is because
I took a chance
on myself, life, nature
all three of these
have not brought
disappointment
I am one of the lucky ones
who gets to do it here
now
in this body
what a gift
I feel somehow
ahead of the game
there is no greater miracle
than man
transforming his life

~Jenny

What Do You Want To Be?

It’s hard to know what our purpose is in this life. Sometimes we have grandiose thoughts and themes of what we are destined to be, how we are to help and make a meteor sized impact upon this world. But we forget, there are quiet ways. There are plans we do not know. And perhaps how we surrender to those plans and accept not knowing how everything will play out at the moment, is part of our purpose. Others....may be watching. We may not be destined to be, Mother Teresa’s, or in the Peace Corps feeding the hungry of the world. I would say maybe, but no, I am beginning to be sure, that for some of us, or maybe even most of us, God whispers a message through our experiences, our dreams and hopes, our achievements and failures, he whispers them through our lives to the ears, senses and hearts of those who may need to hear, and in turn, their lives also offer each of us something we need.

Who knows the small ripple effect that molds the sand just so on the shore, or what that ripple washes up for ourselves or someone else to find. It’s all a wonderful mystery, and if we can only have the courage to hoist our sails to the direction our personal wind is blowing, that small divine knowing, and sit back and enjoy the ride, until the next wind may tell us to change direction, life could be a wonderful adventure, filled with moments of surrender and rest. Today his voice asked, will you just listen for a moment, you are precious to me, remember you are precious and act and feel just so. Just do, the next best thing, next best things add up, the rest will take care of itself.

~Love,
Jenny

What...are you EXPECTING?

Life..is like a laboratory, that's laboratory, not lavatory~though at times life can feel like that too. We conduct experiments, in relationships, spirituality, with God, Science, human nature, ourselves.

Recently the subject of expecting has come up. Someone dear, stopped by my office last week, and said that she is expecting good things to happen in a situation she was talking about, because we need to expect the best. This subject spontaneously came up from different sources two other times in the same week. Messages tend to happen in threes in my life.

This is opposite from my belief of many years, the old adage that "expectations are planned disappointments", that if you expect the worst then you will not be disappointed. Wow, what a shitty way to live!

If I think of a situation and expect to get fucked over, to expect it to go wrong, am I in a way, helping to bring that into fruition? And while I am thinking those things, I am feeling pretty shitty to.

Now if I focus on expecting the best, on positive outcomes, solutions, happiness and fulfillment, whether or not I am specifically thinking about how these will come about, or leaving the details in the hands of God, I am in a positive state of mind and experience a sense of relief and happiness while I am thinking these things into being, even before they have happened. Much better way to live, don't you think?

Let's try this in our laboratory as an experiment. I have read that this is like faith in action, what we expect. I expect good results!

~Jenny