What...are you EXPECTING?

Life..is like a laboratory, that's laboratory, not lavatory~though at times life can feel like that too. We conduct experiments, in relationships, spirituality, with God, Science, human nature, ourselves.

Recently the subject of expecting has come up. Someone dear, stopped by my office last week, and said that she is expecting good things to happen in a situation she was talking about, because we need to expect the best. This subject spontaneously came up from different sources two other times in the same week. Messages tend to happen in threes in my life.

This is opposite from my belief of many years, the old adage that "expectations are planned disappointments", that if you expect the worst then you will not be disappointed. Wow, what a shitty way to live!

If I think of a situation and expect to get fucked over, to expect it to go wrong, am I in a way, helping to bring that into fruition? And while I am thinking those things, I am feeling pretty shitty to.

Now if I focus on expecting the best, on positive outcomes, solutions, happiness and fulfillment, whether or not I am specifically thinking about how these will come about, or leaving the details in the hands of God, I am in a positive state of mind and experience a sense of relief and happiness while I am thinking these things into being, even before they have happened. Much better way to live, don't you think?

Let's try this in our laboratory as an experiment. I have read that this is like faith in action, what we expect. I expect good results!

~Jenny

A Dream Come True

I have been waiting a long time to have a space to do my art journaling, painting etc. I went to IKEA this weekend and got this new desk. It's perfect. Just enough room to write, use my computer and do lots of art without having to fumble around for space or supplies.

I plan to do a lot more organizing of this space, but so far it's great. This is the nicest piece of furniture I have ever bought myself. And, it was only $60.00~thank you IKEA!

Spooky seems to like it too. Once again she is the perfect addition to anything good in my life. There is something so comforting about having a little whiskered cat friend that you love so much lounging around with you as you do things that are comforting. It ups the comfort level. I'm very happy. So far I've achieved one of the things I wanted to do this year, and it's only the second week of January! And I get to be a lot more creative with this space. It will be an ongoing project to look forward to and enjoy.

~Jenny

What's Cooking?

It's been a while since I've dedicated myself to cooking. As of late I have been practicing again. I made a 15 minute stew last weekend. It didn't turn out great, but I tried. It's a good start, thoughts of how I can improve upon it run through my head. It's kind of like life, I have to get used to the basics before I start screwing with and embellishing on things.

Last night I made some chicken and egg noodle soup (from a can), but added frozen Trader Joes pot stickers. I gave it plenty of time to cook and took care with it even though it was not all homemade. It was delicious, better than the stew.

Tonight, not feeling so well, and needing some comfort and simple food, I pulled out my copy of The Joy of Cooking my sister gave me years ago and looked up how to bake a potato. I threw a few in the oven, and waited patiently. When they came out and I split one open, I was reaching for the cheddar cheese processed popcorn sprinkles as a topping, but at second thought, I opted for just butter, salt and pepper. It was delicious.

Simple is better, natural is better. I find that when I take the time to cook something, I respect food more. The time and effort that goes into growing it, shipping it, the blessing of having something to eat when others don't. I savor each bite more, and know that it is nourishing my body, not just filling my belly. I also find that when I'm cooking, my mind is void of all else, any problems, obsessive thoughts, etc. I am able to stay in the moment and create something good.

~Jenny

Peeling It Back

....there are growth spurts in sobriety. I am going through one. Everyone has a limit. It's a new year. I'm embarrassed when I awake to find that I still have problems I was dealing with years ago, even a year ago before I got sober. I care more who I surround myself with. I find now that I would rather be alone, than have friendships or relationships that are not only less than one deserves, but disrupt the peace in my life. My peace is valuable now. I guard it, I work for it, it can mean the difference between two paths for me. It's time to cultivate better relationships, associations and friendships. It's time to be patient until that happens. My people are out there. They are like me. Trying to live daily for a better life, to be a better person. Working at it. Why settle any longer. I do not settle in life anymore. I deserve better than this. It's time for some peace. It's time for positive places, people and things.

It does not matter to me who is right, who is wrong. If I understand you or you understand me. I just want peace. Better to just leave some things well enough alone.

“He keeps his road well enough who gets rid of bad company”
Proverb quotes

“Associate with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation; for it is better to be alone than in bad company.”
George Washington

My List

There are things that make me feel better. If I tell myself them enough, I feel like a new person.

1. everything happens for a reason. we may never know why until further down the line, or even during this lifetime. but there is a reason.

2. you can't control other people.

3. sometimes you have to love people from a distance to maintain your own quality of life.

4. everything passes.

5. most of the time it is we who make ourselves crazy, or allow others to affect us to that level (see #3)

6. there is always a way out and a solution.

7. you are allowed to change your mind at any time.

8. don't just accept yourself the way you are, relish in it, embrace and use it.

9. we all have our own purposes and places in life, I don't have to or want to do yours, you don't have to or want to do mine.

10. when things get too overwhelming it always helps to give them to God, as many times as you need to each day.

11. life...is short, find your happiness, and your peaceful place and don't ever let anyone take that from you.

that's it for now.

~Jenny

The March of Time

Let us honor
the marching of the times
autumn came and went
with beautiful smokey music
deep colors and warm scents
hearts at rest breathing deeply
in the decay of the old
the blank slate of the trees
the quietness to come

Winter
with her billowing
cold, snows and wind
a million lights upon the earth
a million fires within the hearts
of men and women
a quiet time to
for listening, remembering
giving

The Spring will come
with cool breezes
fresh grass
and easy afternoons
slowly warming the earth
and our hearts
back to life
it is louder
it is gentler
it is the neutral time

Summer
with her juicy melons
sandy beaches
sometimes scorching heat
a time to hold on
or a time to run wild
and to rest
and to laze about
with her sounds of water
laughter
as the sun crackles and spews
from above

The times march on
there will always be more
and never less
If there is no more
there will still be
different

~Jenny

Christmas With You

Christmas is decorated at my place
this year there is simplicity
in what was put out
crystal glass candle holders
each unique that were received
as gifts by two very special people

Selected ornaments from my youth
wonderful Wintery scents
just enough sparkling white lights
just enough nostalgia and glitter

Each piece placed with thought and care
nothing complicated
nothing un-enjoyed in the doing
nothing silly
it is just enough

My memories fade this year
finally
of Christmases past
and I relish this very year
season and life
I have with you

This is our home
this is our cat
these are our decorations now
this is my heart
this is your heart
all sparkling and beautiful
just enough

~Jenny